Divorce. I am not making light of it, I have been there, done that, and come out the other side. It is certainly not easy, as anyone in the thick of it will tell you, but if you are in the midst of it, hang tight, you will come out the other side as well. It may not seem like it at times, but you will. Inevitably, real estate and divorce go hand in hand. You are not only on this massive emotional rollercoaster, often juggling work and kids, and trying to pick up the pieces of your life between appointments with your lawyer and discussions about custody, but then the inevitable question rears it’s ugly head….what are we going to do about the house?? There are a few options, and the decision-making process and considerations involved are different for everyone, but it is good to know what your options are so you can weigh the pros and cons of each of them to see which is the best fit for you, your family and your future.
One of you stays, one of you goes
This involves one person staying in the house while the other one moves elsewhere. If there are children involved, make sure you get legal advice if you are the one moving out, to ensure there aren’t any custody implications. The advantage of one parent staying in the house is there is stability for the kids and the person staying doesn’t have to add moving to their laundry list of stressors. Of course that person needs to make sure that they can afford to continue to carry the house expenses on their own, either by buying out their ex-partner or taking it into consideration in their settlement. You will need to have the house evaluated and come to an agreement on a price that both of you are satisfied with. The person moving will then need to decide whether they will buy or rent something else, how their new home will accommodate the kids, and will the location be convenient for pick-ups and drop-offs.
Nesting
The kids stay in the house and the parents move in and out according to who has custody at the time. The parent with custody stays in the house with the kids and the other parent stays elsewhere, usually a rental, until it is their turn with the children. I’m not sure this is a very sustainable long term solution, but can be a good temporary solution until final decisions are made, and it allows the kids to stay in the home. You would still be sharing space with your soon-to-be ex, so if you are not on the best of terms, this can be a little tricky.
The house goes up for sale
Neither one of you can afford to keep the house OR you just want an emotional fresh start. Whatever the reason, selling the house may be the best option. Get advice from a few realtors about the value of the house and the best course of the action to get it sold. There will have to be some co-ordination by the two of you to get the house ready for sale and the selling process is stressful at the best of times, so be prepared. The upside is that it can represent an exciting new beginning!
Easter weekend is actually the four year anniversary of my separation, and although I have moved far past the dissolution of my marriage, I also still remember the fear and the hurt acutely. It seems daunting and there are a lot of decisions to make during this very vulnerable time, so take your time, weigh your options and don't hesitate to ask for help or advice.This too shall pass.